What a busy busy time its been.


Can you believe that Tom passed away 3 months ago already.


I must say I feel a bit worse than I did last month somehow.


Can't quite put my finger on it , just feel very sad at times and of course miss him a lot.


It was his birthday on the 4th July , he would have been 54...


We had lovely time in the garden with a steel band and Greek food and wine and raised £ 623 for charity.Luca knew it was his dad's birthday and he asked me if we could make it his homecoming party instead. That made me laugh and upset a bit.


Anyhow I am not doing anything for charity for a while, I am charitied out.

I feel anxious about not having anything charitable organised in the future as I dont want people to forget about Tom, but of course its not like that.

One of my best friends Karen's relative passed away at the Princess Alive 3 days ago and that brought it all back again.

Tom was very tired in the second week, unabel to move much, but still so proud insisting that 'my wife' will shave and wash me. Sweety!!

Tom was looking thinner all the time. Strangely though he was glowing , really handsome and his tumour on the jaw completely disappeared. It was as if the cancer had gone.The doctors told me that he was deteriorating rapidly. I invited the children over for lunch on Thursday to a pub near the Princess Alice andGary got Luca from my parents as well, not to see Tom though as he looked too weak and I thought it might upset him.

Gary stayed with Tom and Tom had all his curry and jelly & ice cream. All over a sudden Tom asked Gary if he could call me as he needed to see Luca.

So we rushed back and they had their last big cuddle.

Me and Gary were heartbroken, but Tom was ok and so was Luca.

I remember that we had a good night that night and the following day it was all change again...

I have rented a place in Greece for 2 weeks in August as Luca is going t o big school in Sept.

I mentioned it at the bereavement class last week and I think they were all a bit gobsmacked that I would go on my own . I see it as a challenge and an adventure for me and Luca and I know Tom will be looking out for us seeing he was Greek. I am sure I will get upset and miss him badly , it will also be a great time for me and Luca though to spend dome much needed time together. I cannot wait.

I will see you again next week.

Martina

Hi





Wow, what a success The Great Drag Race has been. The guys from John Lewis had a brilliant time. I hardly recognised them on facebook.





Going back to my Tom, I think we got to the Princess Alice Hospice , we had a really good first week. Lots of visitors from work , mum and dad and my brothers and Tom's older son Peter.

I had spoken to Tom's daughter Sophie who lives in Sydney and she arrived in London on Saturday of the Easter weekend.



I often wonder if Tom was waiting for her to arrive, he was so happy to see her and poor Sophie distraught to see her father looking so frail. By the way, Tom was a very huge man, not fat , but build like a rugby player, very strong , excellent golfer, much to the envy of all his friends.



His best friend and Luca's godfather Gary was by his side all the time , to comfort him as well as me, I think. He read Tom poems and stories and they were remembering the last 11 years that they had known each other. Gary decided that he needed to take the time off work in order to spend it with Tom, he would not take no for an answer, I can't describe the dedication from Gary . It was very moving.

Tom wanted different things to eat , like watermelon and feta which we eventually tracked down as was not in season. I can see his face now eating eat with a little smile on his face , his eyes closed remembering a day on the beach in Sydney where of course he grew up( having moved from Greece at the age of 8) Then one night he wanted Fish & Chips, haddock though not cod and he ate all of it.

Sometimes me and Gary were wondering how ill Tom really was and I became hopeful, but then when I was helping the nurses wash him or shave him and I saw his deterioating body I knew

that this could and should not go on.



Its a funny thing, the process of dying ,as the doctors call it, which you cannot slow down. the body just has to go through the processes and sometimes it may take hours , days or weeks in Tom's case. He was so calm and really at peace with himself. Luca broke up from nursery on Thursday and we did a little Easter egg hunt for him at the hospice at the weekend . I even popped home for 4 hours on Easter Sunday for a little rest.

In case you are wondering , I had some time booked off work .



We all had a wonderful time together , I think especially me and my Tom.



The second week was a different story though ...



In the meantime, I have done the 9 mile midnight walk in aid of the Princess Alice Hospice with a group of my colleagues from John Lewis.

Did not quite realise how painful power walking is with a bunch of very fit much younger blokes who think nothing of running 9 miles let alone walking it. Still, at least I did it and was back at work the next day at 8.30am !! even if I draged myself around looking constipated as someone pointed out.



Right better get some work done, see you all next week..

Hi



It's already the week of 'The Great Drag Race' on Saturday 19th June.It will be a fantastic day!!! 6 guys who work in The Place To Eat in John Lewis Kingston are brave enough to be running the 10.2 K race in frocks.

It's all a bit mad here in th PCRF office.



Anyhow , I wanted to get back to explaining what had happened to Tom.



So, we were transfered by ambulance from the Royal Marsdens in Sutton on Friday 26 March as they felt Tom may not live beyond the weekend. I cried when we left the Marsdens, how stupid though,its not as if I would want to have to go there again.



I cannot tell you the relief for Tom of getting to the Princess Alice Hospice in Esher. What a magical place.



Tom asked for a priest and him being Greek Orthodox , I cannot tell you what a mission that was. At first we could not get hold of one and then two arrived at the same time.

We were laughing as Tom clearly needed two priests to get into heaven.



Father Christodolous from Battersea arrived first who was really lovely and compassionate.He conducted Tom's funeral.

He spend much valued time with Tom and they got on as if they had known each other for years.Tom spoke about him every day after that. He gave Tom a picture of Christ to make sure he went with the right person once he got up there.I thought that was amusing and very reassuring for Tom.





That night our 4 year old son Luca stayed with us for a sleepover. Tom and him had a wonderful time together. Lots of cuddles.



Unbelievably we stayed there for another 15 days and 15 nights....



Me and Luca had our first bereavement class at the Princess Alice last Tuesday.
I felt very overwhelmed . Luca recognised the place straight away and said 'oh mummy its dadda's hospital, but you know he won't be here pointing towards the sky.' It is amazing how, so far, he has accepted everything what seems to be with great ease. He did a lovely booklet about Tom with some of the other children and volunteers and after the initial floods of tears, I found my session with some of the other parents really helpful.



More of this next week... need to get back to the Drag Race packs ...



GOOD LUCK GUYS

Until next week



Martina

Hello everyone,

Well, its all over now.

Tom passed away on the 10th April.

I think its important though to go back and explain what happened.

If you remember we got married at the end of February.
About two weeks later on one of her usual visits, Anne, from the Princess Alice Hospice,
noticed that Tom's left side looked numb.
She phoned the Marsdens hospital straight away and Tom was diagnosed with several brain metastasis a couple of days later, which were obviously causing the numbness.

Of course that was devastating news, but the doctors were hopeful that ,with what they call 'whole brain radiotherapy' , the mets could be kept under control a bit and his mobility might improve or a least not get any worse.

Tom started the treatment on the 12 March which was 5 days worth of doses plus one extra one to his femur bone to help with the pain.
We could not get a bed so had to drive in and home again , which Tom really struggled with.
Luckily, we got a bed after the weekend and I think he was really glad to be in admitted.

I think he felt really save there , and of course his pain was much better controlled.


After finishing the course of radiotherapy, I remember it well, there was a change in Tom.
He looked different and for the first time ever , he told me he did not want to carry on.

I think that was the beginning of the end... and I will explain more next time



In the meantime I am back at John Lewis and the Prostate charity again and I very excited about helping to organise 'The Great Drag Race ' which will happen on the 19th June. I have a team of guys from John Lewis Kingston , mostly chefs, that are signing up to do it.

Personally, I think they are more excited about wearing a dress than anything else, so if you are about, please sign up. I am sure it will be a fantastic day.


Until next week



Martina

Hello everyone

What a fantastic couple of weeks we have had.

We got married Saturday week ago on a really sunny day with clear blue skies.

Don't know if you remember , but we were having it all in a marquee at my parents house
with the ceremony in Richmond in the afternoon first.

Well, the whole week had been manic and I had been working still until Wednesday afternoon,
so from Friday it was all go with the flowers arriving , the chefs were busy cooking ,
we picked up 350 glasses from Waitrose.

Tom had been having a really good rest all week and popped down in the evening to see all the chefs and tell them what to do , I think he really enjoyed himself giving everyone orders. We ordered in some pizzas for everyone as Tom was starving from all the bossing around!!

I was still runnning around on the day of the wedding , we had forgotten the button holes
and Tom was feeling very excited .
He looked very smart in his suit even though it was a bit loser on him than the last time he had worn it.
In true fashion the bride was late, very late , as we had forgotten to organise a car for me and dad. So one of the chefs took us in his old banger and after a while I realised that my dress was feeling a little damp. This was because the fish had been picked up that morning in the same car and was stored on big boxes of ice.

Tom looked so proud as I walked in the registry office and as we walked in a little robin flew in through the patio doors, circled over our heads and flew back out
again. It was magical.
The registrar was very good and made the ceremony very relaxed. There were lots of friends from John Lewis there that we did not expect to see.

When we got back home, Tom felt very overwhelmed and weak and we left everyone to it and went upstairs for a while Then all of a sudden he started to feel ill and I was getting really worried, he seemed very tired and in some pain. He had some Oramorph and fell asleep for a while . My best friend Karen , chief bridemaid , had organised everything and kept everyone entertained for a while. I did not think Tom would have been able to come back down , he really seemed so weak and Karen ushered everyone into the marquee to be seated for dinner . I was just about to go in on my own when Tom called to say he was ready to come down.

He is amazing , I don't know how he does it. We had a fantastic evening and I had to drag him out of there at 1.30 in the morning , he was enjoying himself sooo much.
We even had a firework display that his friends had organised at midnight.

I think this was the best thing we could have done and our 4 year old Luca just loved the day.

It will be a wonderful memory for us all and 1 week later we are still so excited.

We are due to see Prof Dearnaley again hopefully next week at the Royal Marsdens.

Tom had his bloods done yesterday as well and I wonder if he is a bit anaemic which might explain his exhaustion.

I mentioned that John Lewis had sponsored a scooter for Tom to move around in , but I think with the weather being so cold and Tom a bit weak , we had not been able to use it yet.

But tomorrow is the big day, we are going for a ride.
So watch out if you live anywhere near Richmond.

Keep the roads clear.....


Martina

Hello everyone


Wanted to give you an update on Tom.

He has had his catheter exchanged last week at the day surgery at Kingston hospital. We were prepared for a long procedure and I think Tom was very nervous about it.
However the consultant urologist managed to exchange it all in 5 minutes.

What a relief!!!

He felt the blockage was not that bad at all and he is adament that Tom should have the minor procedure done so that he no longer needs a permanent catheter. I think that would involve a kind of keyhole surgery.
I think Tom wants to speak with Prof Dearnely the oncologist first before he agrees to do it.

Tom has been feeling a bit weak the last few days and having more of a rest.
He has pretty good appetite though and stopped losing weight over the last week.
I think rather than eating big meals , little and often is better.

I am not sure though that his pain relief is right at the moment as he takes 50 mg of Sevredol once or twice a day which is making him a bit sleepy.

I am going to the surgery tonight to get him some Oramorph which he used to take before.

That way he can control the amount he is taking and make him hopefully less drousy.

He has also got a bit of a cough, no doubt picked up from our 4 year old Luca , who has a permanent snotty nose, and the cold weather is not helping. It snowed AGAIN where we live near Richmond.

The good news is that Tom is getting an electric scooter sponsored by John Lewis.

I think this will give him a lot more independence and motivate him to get out and about a bit more ( as long as he does not go down the A3, which I would not put it passed him)

I know him and Luca will be on it together whilst I chase them down the road.
Some of these scooters can go up to 20 miles per hour...

We are also busy with the wedding preparations, 9 more days to go.
At least we got the marquee organised and I got a dress yesterday.

Tom was working as a chef at JL so a lot of our friends are helping out. We met up with some chefs the other night to discuss the menu, we are still no nearer reaching a decision after 3 hours of heated debate.

Another bit of news is that together with Lene and Louise , community and marketing people from John Lewis, The Prostate Cancer Research Foundation and the Macmillan Cancer team at the Kingston Hospital we are organising a prostate cancer awareness event at some point in March, so look out for some more information and as soon as we have a date sorted out, mark it in your diary and come along!!

Until next week

Martina

Hi everyone

What a busy week it's been.
I am so proud of Tom , he has been doing great getting used to having a catheter and we are off again to the hospital tomorrow morning to have it changed over.


We had a traumatic day about a couple of weeks ago. Tom rang me at John Lewis where I work
and told me he had been unable to go to the loo since the night before.
I phoned up Ann, our Macmillian nurse, who told me to take him straight to A&E at Kingston.

We got to A&E in no time and after telling them Tom's history , they were quick to act.
They did an ultrasound of his bladder and kidneys first and it was clear he was quite full.
Then a doctor tried putting a catheter in, no luck, then they tried for the second time , again no luck. They just could not get it passed the blockage between the prostate and bladder.
All of a sudden he started bleeding as if you had opened a tap, it was horrific , but apparently quite normal and often looks worse than what it is.
They had to call for a consultant urologist to come over especially who tried with a specific instrument and I remember that one of her junior doctors looked distinctly pale and left the cubicle at the sight of all the blood. That made us laugh a bit.

Tom eventually went into theatre for a general anasthetic to have the catheter inserted as it was too uncomfortable to carry on .
It was only a small procedure and he was a different person when he woke up.
One of our neighbours was the recovery nurse so he had a bit of a moan about the day to her
and the fact he was starving!!!

Tom stayed for a couple of nights and then came back home and has recovered well.

We spend the day in Richmond on Tuesday and had a great time , Tom is walking well and he full of energy.

Oh, and before I forget , we have decided to get married and are now busy planning the wedding on the 20 February, yes , only little over 2 weeks away.

We must be mad, I know.


Keep you posted how it goes with Tom tomorrow.


Martina